The Real Cause of My Repetition-Make-Me-Want-to-Pee Problem

Last week, I read a blog post about learning one new skill every year by giving yourself a full year to learn and master a new skill. I was inspired and I decided to learn how to play guitar this year.

Learning from Past Experience

I remember when I was a kid, my mom wanted me to learn to play organ. I did not like it at all. Whenever the teacher came to our house to teach, I pretended to sleep. There was one time that I said to her I was sleepy and I slept on top of the organ. Finally my mom and my teacher gave up and I stopped learning.

What I did not tell them was the reason why I did not want to learn anymore. The teacher told me to learn a song called “Bunga Matahari” (Sunflower). I did not like that song at all, I also found it too hard. The teacher forced me to play that song over and over again during a one-hour lesson. Then she told me to practice that song for one week and we’d play it again in the next lesson. That was when I decided to quit. I just did not want to play that song.

When my mother tried to make me learn again by getting a new teacher, I still did not want to learn. Frankly, in my heart I liked the new teacher, but somehow I was to stubborn to admit that I like learning from her. I stood my ground saying that I simply hate playing organ to hide the real reason that I actually did not like the teaching method of the first teacher. I made it impossible for the second teacher to teach me, and it was all because of my pride. Now I can see how this incident keeps repeating itself throughout my life. I’ve let my pride holding me back from learning and growing. (I’ll write more about this later)

It has been 25 years since that incident. I have not told anybody about it. When I wrote this post, I just realized something very important. This incident of playing that song over and over again might be the incident that caused me to hate repetition and make me want to pee whenever I have to do something over and over again. Even writing this post and remembering the incident, I feel that I need to go to the toilet. (In 15 minutes I went three times already). HAHAHAHA Finally after 25 years, I found the real cause of my repetition-make-me-want-to-pee problem! 

This repetition-make-me-want-to-pee problem has made me feel very uncomfortable when I have to do things that require repetition. For example, when I was learning Chinese language in Beijing, my teacher often gave me a homework to write each character that we learned that day at least 10 times. It felt like a torture to me because to complete that homework, I had to go to the bathroom countless times. Sometimes it hurt because there was no water left yet I still felt the sensation. (I am sure you know how it feels)

I am so glad that by writing this post, I finally uncover the cause of my problem. It may seem silly to you but it is a profound AHA moment for me.

Learn and Grow!

Bike on Motorbike – Dangerous!

Buying a bicycle and bringing it home on a motorbike is certainly unsafe and dangerous. I’ve seen a few people did it, including one of our staff, SG. Unfortunately it did not end well with her. She ended up having an accident, suffered some injuries and the bike that she bought was damaged. Just because she wanted to save Rp. 25,000 of delivery cost, she eventually paid a lot more.

Lessons:

1. Safety first when you are on the road
2. It is better to pay a small amount of money rather than endangering yourself and others

Learn and Grow!

Introducing…Max!

Hi. My name is Max. I am seven month old.

What Do You Want?

What do you want? What do you really, really, really want?

Have you really asked yourself that question?

At the beginning of the year, we often make new year resolutions and set goals about what we want to achieve this year. The first question is usually “What do you want?”

Some of the answers may be:

• to lose weight, to achieve my ideal weight
• to exercise at least three times a week
• to double my income
• to make more money
• to save at least 30% of my income
• to meet my soul mate and start a family
• to spend more time with our family
• to read at least one book per week
• to learn a new skill
• to launch a new business or career
• to travel the world
• to be closer to God
• to be more loving, generous and caring
• to have more discipline, positive attitude and motivation
• etc

If we dig deeper, sometimes those goals are simply means to an end. What we really want is actually the feelings behind accomplishing these goals. For example, if your goal is to make more money, ask yourself this questions:

• What does having more money mean to you?
• How does having more money make you feel?
• How does accomplishing this goal make you feel?

The answers may be:

• I have more freedom to do what I want, to have what I want
• I feel proud of my achievement and accomplishment
• I feel I am worthy and I get more respect from my family, friends, my peers
• I feel happier
• I feel more secure and safe
• etc

These are what we are looking for, feeling good about ourselves, feeling happy, feeling proud and more positive feelings.

The problems start when we are going after these feelings the wrong way. For example, we want to feel the thrill of success but we find it through gambling. When we gamble, we take risk, we feel a sense of excitement. When we win, we feel a huge satisfaction, the thrill of success. When our brain makes the connection – gambling = excitement, satisfaction, we started a journey on the path of destruction.

Sometimes it is not as obvious as gambling in the casino, but it is disguised as ‘investment’. When we invest in the stock market, index, foreign exchange without any knowledge or strategy, it is the same as gambling. We take risk, we feel the excitement. When we win, we feel so good, happy and proud of ourselves.

What if we lose? When we lose, we feel like a failure and we do not want to feel like a failure, so we try again. Sometimes we think this way “Hmm…I am not a quitter, I’ll try again!” It is really a bad example of persistence!

Moreover when we lose, we feel guilty, regret and other negative emotions. We cannot blame anybody else but ourselves because we are the ones who make the decision every single time. There is no one else to blame! If we cannot cope with it, sometimes we start to create problems with people around us. When there is a problem with other people, we have an outlet to release our feelings of guilt, anger, hurt, and regret. We release those feelings full force and ending up hurting people around us.

What do I want? I wish everybody has an outlet to release their negative feelings without hurting other people so that everybody can feel happier. We want to feel happy! I want to feel happy! Do you?

Learn and Grow!

Dark Cherry Mocha

I had wanted to try Stabucks’ Dark Cherry Mocha since last month. I finally drank it in Starbucks Jogjakarta yesterday. I loved it! It had a rich and full mocha with a hint of cherry as an aftertaste. If you love mocha, you must try it.

Drinking coffee, writing in my new moleskine using my G2 pen…one of the best moment I had this weekend. I wish I have someone special to share this simple yet awesome moment with me.

Enjoy your weekend!

Merapi Volcano and Merbabu Mountain

I went for a walk this morning and I saw a beautiful scenery of Merapi Volcano and Merbabu Mountain. It reminds of a picture that a lot of Indonesians draw when they are asked to draw a scenery – two mountains in a distance. If you don’t believe me, just ask any Indonesian to draw something, 80% of them will draw something like this:

This is a product of mass education where teachers do not encourage creativity of their students. I am glad to see how more children are encouraged to be more creative now.

Learn and Grow!

Christmas and New Year Gifts

Did you receive a lot of gifts for Christmas and New Year this year? Did you receive any special gifts?

This year I received a very special New Year gift. It was wrapped in an inspiring and beautiful picture of.  The message was very personal and encouraging. When I opened it, my heart leaped with joy and excitement. It is something that I’ve always wanted for years, a moleskine! Yes! I love it! Moreover, this gift was given by someone who’s extremely important in my life. Do you want to have a guess?

Yes…it’s me! This is a gift for myself this year.

(Perhaps at this point, you think that I’ve gone mad or something. Giving a gift to myself, then blogging about it on the internet? Well, hear me out.)

First, I believe that it is essential for me to be my own best friend. I want to be my biggest supporter, encouraging and focusing on what I do well instead of punishing myself for every mistake that I made in the past. As a friend, I want to give the most appropriate gift to do just that. This moleskine will be used as a success journal, the pages will be filled with daily success stories, achievements and positive feelings.

Are you also your own best friend?

Second, I also believe that loving, accepting and appreciating myself are very important for my happiness. I can only give what I already have. When I feel the love, acceptance, appreciation and happiness in my daily life, then I can share these feelings with others. Who can make me happy other than myself?

Do you love, accept and appreciate yourself enough?

Third, I give myself a gift because it was fun!

Don’t you want to have some fun too? Go! Get a gift for yourself and have fun!

Learn and Grow!

Inge Santoso

Happy New Year 2009

 

New Year – New Hope, Renewed Faith and Everlasting Love.

A new dawn has come for you and me. Let us make this new year, a year full of love, joy, success, abundance, spirit and blessings.

Be present and embrace life!

Learn and Grow!